Watching Isaiah and Peter in today’s readings, and remembering Paul, we see how the human heart responds when standing before the face of God. Paul fell off his horse. Peter fell to his knees. Isaiah cried, “Oy veh! Woe is me! I’m doomed.” It isn’t the good we have done that jumps to mind when standing before God, apparently. It’s those behaviors and attitudes that are un-godlike that become blatantly clear and self-accusing. Maybe it’s also the failure to act when justice calls, the unwillingness to abandon comfort and reach out a hand—maybe these INACTIONS are also reflected in God’s loving face.
God is Truth. God is the light of lucid awareness. One does not see God and fail to see the inner workings of one’s own heart at the same time. And those inner workings can be self-seeking, uncharitable and insensitive. Isaiah, Paul and Peter provide a mirror for that common human experience of “failure to be our best selves.”
But today’s Scripture passages also offer a glimpse of how God responds to human failings. When Isaiah protests that he is a man of “unclean lips” God’s angel touches those lips with a burning coal, telling Isaiah through word and sign that his sins are removed. When Peter falls to his knees before Jesus, protesting his unworthiness to be in Jesus’ company, he is told not to be afraid and entrusted with a new job. Failure to live up to our highest values will be an ongoing challenge throughout our lives since personal needs and desires live in constant tension with the needs and desires of others. As we learn we make mistakes. Love and compassion, mercy and forgivenessdon’t come easy. That’s why these qualities are at the forefront of every major religious teaching throughout the world.
But despite our mis-steps, God continues calling us into service. I wonder how many of us are even aware of being called? of responding with a “yes?” Or do we simply go about our daily tasks, fulfilling our responsibilities, failing to consider WHY we do what we do? That we may be participating in a far greater purpose and design than we are aware?
We live in a time and a culture that gives lip service to belief in God but almost never asks what God is doing in the world, in the nation, in the local community or in our own individual lives. As we witness a seeming epidemic of violence in community after community, with so many nations either at war or threatening war, so much bullying, so much abuse in so many quarters, so much cover-up, so much approval for disrespectful behavior even in high offices filtering down as sanctioned conduct everywhere—have we lost our capacity to recognize sin? Have we lost our ability to hold ourselves accountable for the Gospel values we profess? Do we even imagine ourselves standing before the face of God? And if we do, have we lost the capacity to experience AWE?
We sit here this last Sunday before Ash Wednesday listening to the words of God to Isaiah and Isaiah to God. We hear Isaiah describe his vision and witness his fear as he stands before God. He is acutely aware of the reprehensible way he and his people have been treating each other. He knows they have broken the Covenant. He feels terrible, ashamed of himself and the people. His recognition and remorse, though, are enough. God forgives. One of the seraphim brings an ember from God’s altar, touches it to Isaiah’s lips in a sacramental display of forgiveness and tells Isaiah his sin is purged. He is now ready to hear the voice of God. And what does God say? “Who can I send to do my work? Who will go for us?” Having unburdened his heart so that he can HEAR God, Isaiah is ready. “Here I am,” he says. “Send me!
In the same way we watch Peter as he recognizes the power and presence of God in Jesus. Following Jesus’ words he and his friends catch so many fish it takes two boats to haul them in and the boats nearly sink under the weight. Peter falls to his knees, unable to look Jesus in the eye, all-too-aware of his own unworthiness before God. And what does Jesus say? “Don’t be afraid. I have work for you to do. I want you to gather my people and bring them to me as you brought in the fish.”
We, too, have been called or we wouldn’t be here tonight. We also have work to do that is uniquely ours, a purpose no one else can fulfill. Some of the work is clear, even natural for us. It’s as though it was made for us, as easy as breathing, as normal as walking. Somehow it just fits! But some other things are not as clear. We may sense an invitation to look deeper, to go further, to take steps in a different direction, but that’s about it. What then? How do we know when we aren’t given a powerful vision like Isaiah or told what to do by Jesus-in-the-flesh like Peter?
What we do is follow Jesus’ own example. We pray. We withdraw into our inner chamber of prayer like all the prophets, saints and mystics before us. We stand before the face of God who resides in the depths of our hearts and make the continuing effort to be still, to simply and deeply listen.
We may seek a spiritual companion to help us listen, help us discern God’s call. Spiritual directors are trained for that work, experience that calling. We may need to unburden our hearts of the guilt we carry, examine habits and tendencies that place barriers between ourselves and others, look at our excuses and rationalizations, attend to patterns of denial, weed out unkind behaviors and selfish attitudes that block God’s love from flowing to and from others. Confessors are trained to help us with this. So both prayer and spiritual companions can assist in hearing the voice of God.
As we look toward the 6 weeks of Lent beginning this Wednesday, we hear the call to conversion of heart within today’s readings. We are challenged to stand humbly before God and empty our hearts of anything that blocks our hearing of God’s voice and our response to God’s call. Through the prophet Isaiah God asks again the lingering question: “Who will go for us? Who can I send?”
I invite us all to take this question to prayer throughout the Lenten season. Let the next 6 weeks help develop a HABIT of prayer, of deep listening for the voice and movement of God in our lives. Let it also prompt a conversion of heart by simultaneously turning our focus outward toward the needs of the poor and marginalized among us. “I need someone willing to be my hands and feet and go for me,” God says. “Who is listening? Who can I send?”
Having stood before the face of God in prayer, with new-found humility, perhaps we will be ready to courageously answer: “Here I am, God! Please…send ME!”
Rev. Toni Tortorilla, Sophia Christi Catholic Community
February 10, 2013, 5th Sunday in Ordinary Time
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