As a very little girl I remember standing at the back of our small country church waiting for my parents to finish talking with someone. As I stood there looking toward the sanctuary, I felt as if my heart and soul were being pulled toward the altar. In that moment I knew my future. I knew it clearly, without thought, without doubt—as a child knows, without words or need for explanation. I knew I was meant to be a priest. Later I learned girls weren’t allowed, but that didn’t silence the insistent voice within me. It didn’t re-direct the compass needle. That needle continued to point toward priesthood as crazy as that began to seem in the years following the deaths of John XXIII and Paul VI.
The author of Hebrews tells us “Faith is the confident assurance of what we hope for, the conviction about things we do not see.” “Confident assurance” is a “solid rock” experience. It’s that KNOWING IN YOUR GUT that simply IS. You just KNOW. Your mind may then try to explain “why” you know or “what” you know, but the knowing itself isn’t the work of your mind. It’s the work of the Spirit, deep within.
And so, I just KNEW, and I knew in a way that was rock solid. As time passed that KNOWING became a HOPE. I had hope that the internal workings of the Church would change and the doors would open for women. Hope was born of that “confidant assurance” in a God whose call was to be honored and obeyed. My task was to follow wherever that invisible road led, trusting that place of inner knowing, and not giving in to disillusionment or despair.
It took nearly 60 years to get here—almost an entire lifetime. And HERE is a place far different from what I had naively imagined God had in mind. It didn’t occur to me that God might be in the process of creating something NEW. Even if I had, I would never have been able to guess what that NEW thing might be, or even how to prepare for what it might require.
As a Church we’re still in the dark. We still have no idea what God is doing within the polarized chaos of our times. We have no clue about where we’re going, only that Jesus tells us not to fear, that God’s Home is HERE. Perhaps no more than at any other time in history, our task is to simply put one foot in front of the other as we head in the direction of our heart’s longing. Faith is the confident assurance of what we hope for—peace, unity, fulfillment, joy—and the conviction about things we do not see—God’s loving presence and guidance in and through it all.
As we complete our 6th year together as a community and begin our seventh, it seems good to acknowledge that “faith” gave birth to Sophia Christi—your faith and mine. I suspect many of us came by way of the Second Vatican Council’s encouragement to step forward as full adult partners in this Church. We were released from bondage to limiting restrictions and given our freedom along with responsibility for living and spreading the Gospel of inclusion, justice and compassion. We began to know ourselves as the Body of Christ and think through issues with an eye on the Gospel and a heart tuned to that inner Spirit of truth.
Faith deepened and hopefulness increased. The “solid rock” experience of Vatican II generated a deep KNOWING in those who caught and nurtured its Spirit. Council Documents read like God’s REVELATION in modern times, and its CALL to SERVICE was unmistakable. The words germinated and came alive in the worldwide Body of Christ. There was no going back. It was an Abraham and Sarah experience, and we were heading to the promised land however long it might take. At the time, unfortunately, we believed it would happen almost over night. That may have been our first and biggest mistake, but it was one made early on by Paul and the first disciples.
History DOES repeat!
It is always challenging to maintain faith while letting go of expectations that what we deeply believe and hope for will be fulfilled in our lifetime. I’m guessing, though, that isn’t the point of whatever NEW thing God is doing in our world. Keeping FAITH is about staying the course, confident and assured that Spirit is alive and moving in the world in ways we cannot see. This requires courage—a heart that KNOWS it rests securely in God’s hand and a mind willing to concede that fear-based need to see evidence so that it can feel in control.
The need for courage is why we are meant to share the blessings and dangers of the journey together. We need each other’s support when our own confidence and hope weakens. We need others to cheer us on when times are hard. And we need others to rejoice and celebrate with us when we are happy and filled with joy. This is what community is all about.
We come to this table of grace and communion to recharge our spirits. We are called to anchor that Faith which inspires HOPE and to welcome everyone who needs a place to feel at home. Much has been entrusted to us—the Gospel itself, the example of Jesus, the companionship of like-minded people, the encouragement of the Council, the promise of the Holy Spirit, the presence of Holy Wisdom, Sophia, the feminine face of God, and the opportunity to walk with prophets, saints and mystics who heard the voice of God. Jesus tells us that much is required of those to whom much has been given. We have been given so much.
As we celebrate our 6th anniversary, let’s rejoice and relish the gift of these last 6 years together and re-commit to our mission as a prophetic and courageous community of Faith. May the Spirit pull us together and may Sophia instill in us the Wisdom needed to recognize the path She would have us follow through the desert and the brambles as well as the lush gardens ahead.
Happy Anniversary to all of you. May God’s blessing fill this community with joy and move us ever forward in following Christ’s call to serve the world.
Rev. Toni Tortorilla, Sophia Christi Catholic Community
August 11, 2013, 19th Sunday in Ordinary Time
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